You can probably ease up with the smarm: you aren't fooling anyone.

You can call yourself a "freelancer" or "self-employed" all you want, everyone you pitch your little mission statement to is fully aware: you're just unemployed and are ashamed to admit it. Frankly, I don't blame you. You're an adult and you should have a job. A real job, not an Etsy shop where you sell hand-knit bicycle handlebar covers. I'm sorry if you've made it clear to your mid-twenties without anyone telling you that sometimes work isn't super-duper fun. It's work. Suck it up–everyone else does.

As for your "innovative" little projects, guess what: that's not a business. It's a hobby that you talk about WAY more than anyone cares to hear about it. You're like that person that goes on and on about their baby, except instead of actually raising a baby, you have a half-completed dress in your closet that you've worked on for a maximum of four hours for every forty hours spent talking about your hip new clothing company.

Here's a tip: For thousands of years, companies gained and maintained large and positive client bases by providing a unique or superior service or product at a competitive price. The only people in history that based their business plan on talking and allowing the product to take a back seat were snake oil salesmen, con men and religious leaders. Make something worthwhile, or shut the fuck up.

Oh yeah, and we're all tired of you asking us for favors and offering to pay in some nebulous service. Wampum doesn't pay my rent, hippy.