You see: when I was a child, all full of wonder and love for all living creatures, I took a trip to the zoo with my family. During this trip, we visited the llama paddock. While standing in front of their pen, one of the llamas came to the fence, looked at my brother, and spit right in his face. Being a good older brother, I went over to pet the llama and tell it what an awesome job it had done. And that, my friends, is when things went awry.

This llama prick leaned over the fence while I pet him, bit my hair, and plucked me clear off the ground. I had done nothing to deserve this. I simply wanted to congratulate this creature for his pinpoint accuracy and his innate ability to make my brother cry. But sadly, this bastard decided he would rather be my foe. I dangled there in the air screaming in a register that startled even myself for what seemed like an eternity. I was finally pulled loose by my dad, and swore on that spot that I would spend the rest of my life exacting revenge on llamas for the atrocities they had committed upon me. I have never forgotten this vow.

So let this be a warning to you reader, if you happen to be a llama. If you're just sitting there, enjoying your day, don't be surprised if I jump from a bush and punch you square in the jaw. I don't care if you are a member of the camel family, I will punch you like a man.

Fucking pricks.